Holding on to Hope
With Easter behind us and yet another three weeks of lockdown ahead we find ourselves in a season of waiting. Essentially, this is our Easter Saturday. The day where it seems like nothing much happens. A day of quiet. Of stillness. Of complex emotion and confusion.
We mourn the loss of cancelled events and failed plans. We miss loved ones and long for freedoms once taken for granted.
The daily rollercoaster
If you’re anything like me, you’ll have ridden a rollercoaster of emotions each day throughout this unprecedented pandemic, sometimes taking time to get off the ride and find joy in a moment where you catch your kids playing nicely together, or as you remember to appreciate the gorgeous food that continues to grace the kitchen. Other days, the ride will throw you sharply round the bend of loneliness as you realise you’ve not heard from anyone outside your immediate family that day.
Still other features include a loop the loop as you battle the spin of guilt for not appreciating what you have, whilst juggling the reality of insane privilege that most of us live in in the West. And then the jolt of recognition exposing that what we long for most in this season ultimately reveals the deeper things in our hearts.
There’s been much talk about what the world will look like after the threat of Coronavirus ceases to have such an immediate hold over mankind. Now that the earth has been given the chance to breathe again, will the convenience culture that our modern lives are hinged on truly be exchanged for widespread sustainable living? Or will it be business as usual?
The New Normal
Will we be so desperate to restore some semblance of normality that we rush ahead with old routines, forgetting all the changes we promised ourselves we would make? Of course the opposite response could also be true. Whilst many live in hope that positive change will be the response to this global crisis, there is also the possibility that some may retreat in fear on a long term basis: the very real prospect that masks are pulled higher, faces covered and strangers ignored. Or worse still, judgement and distrust invade all future social interaction.
The danger for me comes with exactly what the British government predicted: lockdown apathy. The longer society is in this state of flux, the quicker we will be desperate to restore the ‘normal’ life we had before.
The golden goal of increased kindness, cleaner air, less waste and corporate compassion are at risk of being washed away with our first pre-work shower, singed like the boiling water on our first routine cup of coffee. I have found myself being lured back into the old ways, online window shopping, and filling may Amazon basket with books that I’ll never read. Why? Because for so many years I’ve been programmed to want more.
I’ve been conditioned to keep pursuing wealth and comfort. I’ve been taught to keep pushing, even if it’s for less - because we all need a dozen new books to tell us how to go minimalist in our homes?!
Striving to grow isn’t in and of itself a bad thing. Those dreams, they’re still there. Those hopes, they still beat with life, faintly though it may be. The desires in our heart that feel buried deep, weighed down by heaviness of extended isolation, they’re still valid. Without a time frame, we could focus on the disappointed or become distracted. But do not let this be your focus. After all when our hope is differed we get a sick heart.
Whilst I want to encourage you to keep breathing life on those dreams, to keep fanning the flames of hope and nurture those desires, it’s important to recognise there is a hope without time, or physical, limitations. We should be propelled forward, closer into the arms of Jesus - our only hope.
"hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." - proverbs 13:12
I don’t know about you, but I’m a planner. I need things in my diary to look forward to. Whilst I love a spontaneous day out with friends, I also love seeing my diary dotted with fun things to work towards.
Recently, I’d even started scheduling downtime. So the reality of having nothing external to get excited about, or no big events to jazz up the hamster-wheel of life, plays havoc with my zest for life. What is living anyway if every day is a carbon copy of the one before, and the one before that too?
One Big Plan
The biggest mic drop moment for me so far in this season is that none of it matters separate from the one big plan I’m on my way towards - eternity with Jesus. The big events, the dreams in my heart for my life, the social engagements, even the quieter family getaways, they all mean nothing if they’re not shared with the One who holds all hope in His hands.
Of course He stirs my heart for bigger things. No doubt, He’s given me a passion to pursue the things which set my heart on fire. And by His grace there will be a day soon, when I get to run after those things in a more physical, practical way than I can right now. But whilst I sit, waiting in this season of Easter Saturday I must choose. Will my days be peppered with frustration, fear or a fidgety heart? Or will I choose to embrace this time as a gift? To be still with my Father. To grow closer to Jesus and to press into the Holy Spirit in a more intentional way.
Holding on to Hope
This post doesn’t come with a list of suggestions to tick off or a ‘how to’ bullet point check of things to achieve.
It’s intended as an encouragement to try to find the beauty in each day. Look for Jesus. He’s there. In every moment. In the obviously lovely ones, but also in the downright messy ones too. Trust me, there have been moments, and longer periods of time, where I’ve felt empty, lost, confused. But what I don’t want to miss in this bizarre season is those moments to draw close to Jesus.
If anything, this gift of time is the biggest gift of all. I don’t want to rush too fast to moan that my empty diary makes me sad, but I want to appreciate what I can learn through all of this. I want to be forever changed by this experience and not race to be filling up my social calendar. Ultimately, I want Jesus with me and in me through all of this since He is the only place my hope is truly found.
