He Calls Me Daughter
A few years ago, as Mother’s Day was approaching, I started to mull over the meaning of the day in a new way.
Whether you have children or not, whether motherhood is something even on your radar right now, it’s difficult not to mark the day in some way.
For many women out there this specific day can bring up some really raw emotions; sometimes of loss, grief, disappointment or longing.
It made me wonder how one day can evoke such a deep emotional response within us. I know many different kinds of amazing women: those who are mothers of living children, those whose children are in heaven, those who’ve chosen not to have children, those who invest in children who are not biologically their own, and those who live with sadness at not being able to have their own children.
Daughters First
I realised that in all of those distinctions, in all our difference there is one fundamental thing that we have in common. That is, we are all daughters first.
All of these women represent many different stories, but each share in the fact that they are daughters.
Of course we need to be considerate of difference, and respectful of the emotions that come with each story. I’m a huge advocate of leaning into those emotions and sharing with trusted friends who can help process your journey with you. If we all allow space to acknowledge our emotions then we can start to own our stories well, appreciating difference and learning from each other with empathy and understanding.
Ultimately it’s not about who I am beyond what has always existed. I may be wife, mother, friend, teacher, writer right now. But I have always been daughter.
You are known, loved and seen by the only perfect parent; your Father in heaven.
I’m the daughter of two wonderfully loving earthly parents, but even that is not the experience shared by everyone. Of course there are those whose stories differ from a white-picket fence version of family. And yet we still hold daughter as our uniquely shared identity.
Whether you were raised by two parents who loved you and each other, or whether you were raised by a mother who didn’t give birth to you, or whether you feel unable to say you were ‘raised’ as opposed to having had to raise yourself, you are STILL daughter.
It’s not even your natural parents who define you as that. You are known, loved and seen by the only perfect parent; your Father in heaven. And always have been.
He formed you and knit you together before your earthly mother knew you were there. He saw you in that quiet, secret place. He calls you by name because He designed you and thought about you before time began.
He has called us and made us his very own beloved children.
1 John 3:1
The Identity of Daughter
For the last few years God has taken me on an incredible journey to discover more of what it means to be His daughter. But it’s not always as easy as holding onto that identity. Everything else can seem so much easier to identify with, it’s more tangible, it’s more quantifiable.
The measures can be done with a quick-check evaluation; “I’m a good friend because I helped someone struggling with a work situation” or “I’m a good mother because I kept my children safe”. But even those examples require something of us.
Although it may not be intentional, my behaviour and identity is analysed by my actions, by me ‘doing’ something. Which is why I think it’s still so difficult for us to own and understand our identity as child; daughter, son. These labels don’t require anything of us. Someone else birthed us and had a hand in our creation.
Unconditional Love
We don’t need to prove who we are. The title is determined by the parent. It’s your Father who speaks that word over you. He calls you. He Calls Me. He doesn’t say ‘you’re my daughter if...’ or ‘you’re my son when you.....’. There are no conditions to his declaring “You are mine”.
The reason I can be so confident that I don’t have to work for or earn God’s approval and love is because He said the same to Jesus at His baptism. Before Jesus had even started His public ministry the Father’s voice declared “You are mine”. I get to share that same identity: I am His.
Not because of anything I have done but because of Jesus’ perfect sacrifice I am reconciled to my Heavenly Dad. He has the final say in who I am. The easiest part is also the scariest… I don’t do ANYTHING to achieve it. I can’t do ANYTHING to change it. I am His.
Where is my worth?
After a shock redundancy a few years ago I started unravelling, and it resulted in my core being rocked deeply. I felt betrayed by people who I’d put my trust in and felt deeply connected to, which meant that I’d confused the origin of my worth and value.
When I allowed myself to be defined by others and by what I did, I lost my way. I got distracted.
I took my eyes off the only One who really matters.
I’d untuned my ears from hearing the only voice that matters. I let myself forget who I was.
External voices had me doubting my significance and there were hurtful lies spoken over me. I spent too much time, too much energy, trying to be a better this, a better that, a better ‘other’. I’d given too much significance to the labels that had attached themselves to me.
But I am Rowena. I am a daughter. And not just any daughter, a precious and highly valued daughter. So are you.
I am confident that I will not be shaken as a daughter of the King of heaven
You are the apple of his eye. You hold a special key to bless His heart in a unique way. No one else can take your position and no one else can replicate His heart on earth in the way you were born to do.
Shaking off the Labels
Spending time with Father is where I can unlock the power of living from this treasured identity. I can’t live from the position of mother, or friend. I can perhaps ‘achieve’ things under these labels and be these things to others but if they’re the source of identity then when - not if, because there will be times - they’re challenged or taken away, then that leaves me dangerously vulnerable. I run the risk of trying to fill the void, of trying to prove who I am by performing better, or differently, or more effectively.
Living from a place of anything apart from my daughterhood can, and will, be challenged. But if I live, serve and love from my position as daughter then nothing anyone can ever do or say to me will change that. I am confident that I will not be shaken as a daughter of the King of heaven.
This relationship needs cultivating in the secret place. It’s about investing time to hear His voice. It’s vital to listen to who He says you are. The fact that your expression of daughter will look different from mine is what makes it so amazing.
Uniquely Loved
You are a different daughter from me because you reflect the Father’s heart in a unique way. Your daughterhood WILL look different, and that’s ok! That’s encouraging! That’s how it should be! When we champion our sisters who are living from their place of daughterhood no-one can challenge that.
So lean in today. Seek out His voice above all the others that vie for your attention. He calls you beloved. He Calls Me Daughter. He calls you daughter.
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Love
Ro xx
The He Calls Me Team
